Confident People will Celebrate You While Insecure People Compete with You

When I was younger, I thought being accepted meant making myself easier for other people to handle.

I thought if I stayed quiet enough, agreeable enough, and low maintenance enough, people would finally feel comfortable around me.

I thought if I didn’t speak too boldly, dream too loudly, or show too much confidence, maybe nobody would have a reason to treat me differently.

So, I learned how to shrink without even realizing I was doing it.

I made my opinions smaller.

I made my dreams smaller.

I made my personality smaller.

I made my confidence smaller.

And the sad part is, I thought that was wisdom.

I thought I was being humble.

I thought I was keeping the peace.

I thought I was being mature.

But later in life, I started understanding something that was painful and freeing at the same time.

Some people are uncomfortable with your light because they haven’t made peace with their own.

That truth can change how you see everything.

Because once you start growing, healing, speaking up, setting boundaries, rebuilding your confidence, and becoming more yourself, you also start noticing who can handle it and who can’t.

Some people will celebrate you.

Some people will compete with you.

And sometimes the ones competing with you are the very people you thought would be happy for you.

That part hurts.

It hurts when you finally get the courage to share good news and somebody barely reacts.

It hurts when you accomplish something and someone finds a way to make you feel like it wasn’t that big of a deal.

It hurts when you start feeling good about yourself and someone suddenly starts pointing out your flaws, your past, your mistakes, or the one thing you haven’t figured out yet.

Sometimes it doesn’t even come as a loud insult.

Sometimes it comes as a joke.

Sometimes it comes as fake concern.

Sometimes it comes as silence.

Sometimes it comes as that little look that tells you they heard you, but they’re not happy for you.

And as women, many of us have been trained to excuse that kind of behavior.

We tell ourselves, “Maybe I’m overthinking it.”

We try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

We tell ourselves they didn’t mean it that way.

We keep sharing.

We keep showing up.

We keep hoping they’ll be happy for us next time.

But your body usually knows before your mind wants to admit it.

You start holding back.

You stop sharing your good news.

You downplay your progress.

You make your joy quieter.

You start feeling guilty for being proud of yourself.

You become careful about being “too much.”

And that’s not humility.

That’s emotional shrinking.

There is a difference between being humble and hiding who you are because someone else is uncomfortable with your growth.

I had to learn that the hard way.

Because confident people don’t need you to fail in order for them to feel valuable.

They don’t need to pull you back down every time you start standing taller.

They don’t need to make little comments about your confidence, your appearance, your goals, your healing, or your joy.

A confident person can clap for you and still know there’s room for them too.

A confident person can see your beauty without questioning their own.

A confident person can support your growth without turning it into a silent competition.

A confident person can say, “I’m proud of you,” and actually mean it.

That kind of support feels different.

It feels peaceful.

It feels safe.

It feels like you don’t have to hide the best parts of yourself just to keep the relationship comfortable.

But insecure people often see your growth as a threat.

Not always because they hate you.

Not always because they’re evil.

Sometimes they’re fighting battles inside themselves they haven’t dealt with.

Sometimes your confidence reminds them of the places where they still feel stuck.

Sometimes your courage exposes the excuses they’ve been making.

But here is the part we have to be honest about.

Their insecurity may explain their behavior, but it doesn’t give them permission to make you smaller.

You can have compassion for someone and still stop handing them access to your confidence.

You can understand that they’re struggling and still decide you’re not going to let their struggle become your cage.

Because the truth is, not every room deserves access to who you are becoming.

Some rooms make you bloom.

Some rooms make you question everything good about yourself.

Some people pour into you.

Some people drain you and call it love.

Some relationships give you room to grow.

Some relationships only feel comfortable when you’re struggling, silent, unsure, or easy to control.

And when you start evolving, you begin to notice the difference.

You notice who only liked you when you were unsure of yourself.

You notice who was comfortable with you when you were hurting, but distant when you started healing.

You notice who could listen to your pain for hours but couldn’t celebrate your joy for five minutes.

You notice who supported the broken version of you because that version made them feel needed, important, or above you.

That kind of realization can be hard to sit with.

But it’s also a gift.

Because once you see it, you don’t have to keep pretending you don’t.

One of the hardest parts of becoming a more confident woman is accepting that not everybody will like the healed version of you.

Some people preferred the version of you who second guessed herself.

Some people preferred the version who overexplained, over gave, over apologized, and tolerated things just to keep the peace.

But your healing was never supposed to make everyone comfortable.

It was supposed to bring you back to yourself.

And I think many of us as women have spent too much of our lives trying to be lovable by being less.

Less opinionated.

Less direct.

Less bold.

Less proud.

Less visible.

Less honest.

Less excited about our own lives.

But I don’t believe we were created to disappear inside relationships, friendships, workplaces, families, or rooms that can only handle us when we’re quiet.

You are allowed to be proud of how far you have come.

You are allowed to speak with confidence.

You are allowed to take up space.

You are allowed to grow beyond people’s expectations of you.

You are allowed to stop apologizing for having boundaries, standards, goals, joy, beauty, intelligence, strength, and a personality that doesn’t need to be watered down.

And no, that doesn’t make you arrogant.

It means you finally stopped confusing self-respect with pride.

There is nothing wrong with knowing your worth.

There is nothing wrong with walking into a room and not shrinking.

There is nothing wrong with feeling good about the woman you are becoming.

The right people won’t punish you for that.

They won’t roll their eyes at your confidence.

They won’t compete with every good thing happening in your life.

They won’t need to remind you of who you used to be every time you start becoming someone new.

They won’t secretly hope you stay small so they can feel bigger.

The right people will make room for your growth because they’re not threatened by it.

They’ll celebrate your wins because they know your success doesn’t take anything from them.

They’ll speak life into you when you doubt yourself.

They’ll correct you with love when needed, but they won’t use honesty as a weapon.

That’s how healthy relationships feel.

They don’t make you nervous to shine.

They make you feel safe enough to keep growing.

And if you’re in a season where you’re realizing certain people can’t celebrate you, I know that can feel lonely.

It can feel disappointing.

It can make you wonder if maybe you’re the problem.

But sometimes loneliness is healthier than constantly betraying yourself just to belong somewhere.

Sometimes outgrowing old rooms is part of becoming the woman you prayed to be.

Sometimes the peace you’re looking for starts with admitting that certain spaces only felt familiar, not healthy.

You don’t have to keep dimming your light to protect someone else’s insecurity.

You don’t have to make your life smaller so someone else can feel comfortable standing next to you.

You don’t have to feel guilty for becoming more confident, more clear, more peaceful, and more honest about what you will and won’t accept.

Let the people who can celebrate you, celebrate you.

Let the people who compete with you reveal themselves.

And don’t confuse their discomfort with your wrongdoing.

The wrong room will make you feel like you’re too much.

The right room will remind you that you were never asking for too much.

You were just standing in a place that didn’t have enough room for all of who you are becoming.

#EvolvingWomanhood