Dear Evolving Woman,

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I know what it is like to look around and feel as though everyone else received a map for life that somehow never made it into your hands.

 

You see women buying homes, building careers, traveling, getting married, staying married, starting businesses, saving money, and moving forward.

 

Meanwhile, you may feel like you are still trying to recover from choices, losses, disappointments, or years that did not turn out the way you thought they would.

 

I understand that feeling more than I wish I did.

 

There have been times in my own life when I looked at where I was and thought, I should be further along by now.

 

I thought I should have more money saved.

 

I thought I should feel more secure.

 

I thought I should have more answers.

 

I thought starting over would happen faster than it did.

 

But life doesn’t move in a straight line.

 

Some of us spend years surviving things other people never had to carry.

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Some of us lose time to painful marriages, family problems, jobs that drained us, raising children, caring for everyone else, or trying to hold together what was already falling apart.

 

That time was not wasted just because it did not produce the life you expected.

 

You were living.

 

You were learning.

 

You were doing the best you could with what you knew, what you had, and what you were strong enough to face at the time.

 

That doesn’t mean every decision was right.

 

It doesn’t mean we should pretend our mistakes did not cost us something.

 

Sometimes they did.

 

But beating yourself up will not return those years.

 

It will only take more time from the woman you are now.

 

You are not behind because your life looks different.

 

You are not late because you had to begin again.

 

You are not failing because you are still figuring things out.

 

The truth is, many women who look ahead of you are carrying worries you cannot see.

 

A beautiful home can have sadness inside it.

 

A marriage can feel lonely.

 

A successful career can leave a woman exhausted.

 

A smiling photograph can hide a life she is struggling to hold together.

 

Comparison doesn’t show us the whole truth.

 

It only shows us enough to question our own lives.

 

I am learning to stop asking,

 

Why am I not where she is? and start asking, What can I do with the life I have today?

 

That question gives me something comparison never does.

 

It gives me a next step.

 

Maybe your next step is small.

 

Maybe it is opening a savings account, applying for one job, taking a walk, finishing one page of a plan, making one phone call, or finally admitting that you want something different.

 

Small steps still move your life.

 

You don’t have to fix everything this year.

 

You don’t have to prove that you have caught up.

 

You don’t need to rush into the wrong relationship, purchase, career, or decision just so your life looks complete from the outside.

 

You are allowed to build slowly.

 

You are allowed to change your mind.

 

You are allowed to become proud of a life that doesn’t look like the one you once imagined.

 

Please don’t spend today punishing yourself for not arriving sooner.

 

You are here now.

 

And maybe being here, awake to your own life, is not proof that you are behind.

 

Maybe it is proof that you are finally ready to begin today on your terms.

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With Love,
 

Maya Ellis

Evolving Womanhood