The Day My Body Forced Me to Listen

There are some moments in life that stay with you.

Not because they were beautiful.

Not because they were happy.

But because they scared you enough that you never forgot them.

I've had two panic attacks in my life.

The first one felt like I was having a heart attack.

My chest felt heavy.

My heart was racing.

I couldn't think straight.

Every sensation in my body felt wrong.

I genuinely thought something was seriously wrong with me.

The second one felt completely different.

I felt like I couldn't breathe.

The harder I tried to catch my breath, the more panicked I became.

I thought I was going to pass out.

I remember feeling terrified because I couldn't understand what was happening.

At the time, I didn't even know they were panic attacks.

I only learned that afterward.

And honestly, that realization surprised me.

Because I didn't think I was someone who had panic attacks.

Looking back now, I realize something many women know all too well.

We can carry a lot before we realize how much we're carrying.

As women, mothers, caregivers, daughters, wives, employees, business owners, and friends, we often become experts at pushing through.

We're tired.

We push through.

We're overwhelmed.

We push through.

We're stressed.

We push through.

We tell ourselves we'll rest later.

We'll deal with it later.

We'll slow down later.

Until one day our bodies decide later has arrived.

Sometimes a panic attack isn't the beginning of a problem.

Sometimes it's the body's way of saying it has been trying to get our attention for a very long time.

A panic attack is a sudden wave of intense fear or distress that can happen even when there isn't any actual danger present.

It can come on quickly and often feels overwhelming.

Many people experience symptoms that mimic serious medical emergencies.

• A racing heart.

• Chest pain or pressure.

• Shortness of breath.

• Dizziness.

• Sweating.

• Shaking.

• Nausea.

• Feeling detached from reality.

• Feeling like you're losing control.

• Feeling like you're dying.
  

That's one of the reasons panic attacks can be so frightening.

They feel real because they are real.

The fear is real.

The physical symptoms are real.

The experience is real.

Even if there isn't a physical threat causing it.

Women experience panic attacks and anxiety disorders more often than men.

And let's be honest.

Many of us are carrying things that never make it onto a to-do list.

The mental load.

The emotional labor.

The worrying.

The caretaking.

The constant responsibility.

The pressure to keep everything together.

Sometimes we become so accustomed to living in survival mode that we forget what calm actually feels like.

That was a difficult realization for me.

Because when I looked honestly at my life, I realized I had spent years responding to stress as if it were normal.

I wasn't stopping to ask myself what I needed.

I wasn't paying attention to the warning signs.

I wasn't listening to my body.

I was simply moving from one responsibility to the next.

Then my body got louder.

I think that's the part many women don’t understand.

Our bodies often whisper before they scream.

The problem is that we're usually too busy to hear the whispers.

It's also important to say this.

If you've experienced what you think might be a panic attack, talk to a healthcare professional.

Especially if it's your first one.

And if panic attacks are happening repeatedly, interfering with daily life, affecting your sleep, your relationships, your work, or making you afraid to leave the house, please reach out for support.

There is no prize for suffering in silence.

There is no award for carrying everything alone.

Sometimes strength looks like asking for help.

Sometimes strength looks like making an appointment.

Sometimes strength looks like admitting you're struggling.

I think about those two panic attacks once in a while.

Not because I want to relive them.

Trust me, I don't.

But because they taught me something important.

Our bodies are always communicating with us.

The question is whether we're listening.

I spent a lot of years believing I could simply push through everything.

Now I know better.

Now I understand that rest matters.

Breathing matters.

Movement matters.

Paying attention matters.

When your heart is pounding, your chest hurts, your breathing feels off, and your body feels completely out of control, it's hard to believe anxiety could be causing it.

Common symptoms of a panic attack can include:

• Racing or pounding heartbeat

• Chest pain or chest tightness

• Shortness of breath

• Dizziness or feeling lightheaded

• Sweating

• Shaking or trembling

• Nausea

• Tingling sensations in the hands or feet

• Feeling detached from reality

• Feeling like you're losing control

• Feeling like you're dying
  

Even though panic attacks are not usually dangerous, they can feel incredibly frightening while they're happening.

Women are more likely than men to experience anxiety disorders and panic attacks.

Researchers believe hormones, stress, caregiving responsibilities, trauma, and life circumstances may all contribute.

As women, many of us become experts at carrying heavy loads.

We take care of children.

We care for aging parents.

We manage households.

We work jobs.

We solve problems.

We worry about everyone else.

Sometimes we become so accustomed to functioning under stress that we stop recognizing how much pressure we're actually under.

Until our bodies get our attention.

Looking back, I can see that both of my panic attacks happened during seasons of significant stress.

At the time, I thought I was handling everything.

My body had a different opinion.

That doesn't mean stress causes every panic attack.

It doesn't.

But chronic stress, anxiety, lack of sleep, major life changes, trauma, certain medical conditions, caffeine, and some medications can all contribute.

One of the most important things I learned is that panic attacks eventually pass.

When you're in the middle of one, it feels endless.

It isn't.

The symptoms usually peak within minutes and gradually begin to ease.

That doesn't make them pleasant.

But it does matter to know that what you're experiencing will not last forever.

When I had my panic attacks, I decided to read a little bit more about it and experts often recommend this when its happening:

• Remind yourself that you are experiencing a panic attack and that it will pass.

• Focus on slow, gentle breathing. Try breathing in through your nose and slowly out through your mouth.

• Look around the room and identify five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This grounding technique can help bring your attention back to the present moment.

• If possible, sit down somewhere safe and comfortable.

• Loosen tight clothing if it feels restrictive.

• Avoid fighting the panic. The more we try to force it away, the more intense it can sometimes feel.

• Remind yourself that the sensations, while uncomfortable, are temporary.

• Reach out to someone you trust if you need support.
  

It's also important to know when to seek help.

If you've never had a panic attack before, it's always wise to speak with a healthcare professional, especially if you're experiencing chest pain, breathing difficulties, or symptoms that could be related to another medical condition.

And if panic attacks are happening repeatedly, affecting your daily life, causing you to avoid places or situations, disrupting your sleep, or making you feel afraid, please talk with a healthcare provider or mental health professional.

You don't have to figure it out alone.

For me, the biggest lesson wasn't that I had experienced panic attacks.

It was realizing how disconnected I had become from what my body and my mind was trying to tell me.

I had gotten so used to pushing through stress that I stopped paying attention to the warning signs.

I think many women understand that feeling.

We tell ourselves we're fine.

We keep going.

We handle one more thing and then another.

Until one day our bodies decide they've been quiet long enough.

If you've ever experienced a panic attack, I want you to know something.

Sometimes our minds and bodies carry more than we realize.

And sometimes they find a way to let us know.

Sometimes our bodies ask quietly.

Sometimes they ask loudly.

Either way, they deserve to be heard.

Because if you don't take care of yourself, no one else will.

#EvolvingWomanhood