The Day My Body Forced Me to Listen

There are some moments in life that stay with you.

Not because they were beautiful.

Not because they made you laugh.

Not because you want to keep replaying them in your mind.

But because they scared you enough to make you remember.

I’ve had two panic attacks in my life, and both of them shook me in different ways.

The first one felt like I was having a heart attack.

My chest felt heavy.

My heart was racing.

My thoughts were all over the place.

Every little sensation in my body felt wrong, and I genuinely thought something serious was happening to me.

The second one felt different, but it scared me just as much.

I felt like I couldn’t breathe.

The more I tried to catch my breath, the more panicked I became.

I remember feeling like I might pass out, and the fear made everything feel even worse.

At the time, I didn’t even know they were panic attacks.

I learned that afterward.

And honestly, that surprised me because I didn’t think I was someone who had panic attacks.

I think a lot of women feel that way.

We think panic attacks happen to other people.

People who are falling apart.

People who can’t handle stress.

People who are visibly struggling.

But that’s not always what it looks like.

Sometimes it happens to the woman who keeps showing up.

The woman who still goes to work.

The woman who still takes care of everybody.

The woman who still answers the phone, pays the bills, handles the family, checks on the kids, remembers the appointments, and keeps trying to act like she’s fine.

Looking back now, I realize something many of us know deep down but rarely say out loud.

We can carry a lot before we admit how heavy it is.

As women, we get used to pushing through.

We’re tired, but we keep going.

We’re stressed, but we keep going.

We’re overwhelmed, but we keep going.

We’re worried, but we keep going.

We tell ourselves we’ll rest later.

We’ll slow down later.

We’ll deal with it later.

Then one day, our bodies decide later has arrived.

That’s what it felt like for me.

Sometimes a panic attack isn’t the beginning of the problem.

Sometimes it’s the moment your body gets loud because it has been trying to get your attention for a long time.

A panic attack is a sudden rush of intense fear or distress that can come on fast, even when there isn’t any clear danger around you.

That’s what makes it so confusing.

You can be standing in your home, sitting in your car, lying in bed, or going about your day, and all of a sudden your body starts acting like something terrible is happening.

And when it’s happening, it feels real because it is real.

The fear is real.

The symptoms are real.

The experience is real.

Even if there isn’t an outside threat in front of you.

Common symptoms of a panic attack can include:

• Racing or pounding heartbeat

• Chest pain or chest tightness

• Shortness of breath

• Dizziness or feeling lightheaded

• Sweating

• Shaking or trembling

• Nausea

• Tingling in the hands, feet, or face

• Feeling detached from reality

• Feeling like you’re losing control

• Feeling like you’re dying

That’s why panic attacks can be so frightening.

The symptoms can feel like something dangerous is happening inside your body.

And I want to say this clearly.

If you’ve never felt anything like that before, it’s wise to talk to a healthcare professional, especially if you’re having chest pain, trouble breathing, dizziness, or anything that feels unusual for you.

I’m not saying every scary symptom is a panic attack.

I’m saying don’t ignore your body and don’t try to diagnose yourself in fear.

Get checked.

Ask questions.

Take yourself seriously.

There’s no prize for suffering in silence.

There’s no award for carrying everything alone.

Sometimes strength looks like making the appointment.

Sometimes strength looks like saying, “Something doesn’t feel right.”

Sometimes strength looks like admitting, “I need help.”

When I look back at both of my panic attacks, I can see they happened during seasons when I was under a lot of stress.

At the time, I thought I was handling everything.

My body had a different opinion.

And isn’t that how it happens for so many of us?

We get so used to survival mode that we forget what peace feels like.

We start calling stress normal.

We start thinking exhaustion is just part of life.

We start believing being overwhelmed is what responsible women are supposed to feel.

We don’t always stop to ask ourselves what we need.

We don’t always notice when we’re sleeping poorly, eating out of stress, snapping more, crying in private, feeling tense, waking up anxious, or feeling like we can’t fully relax.

We just keep moving from one responsibility to the next.

Then our bodies get louder.

That was one of the biggest lessons for me.

Our bodies often whisper before they scream.

• The tight shoulders.

• The headaches.

• The upset stomach.

• The racing thoughts.

• The poor sleep.

• The heavy chest.

The short patience.

The feeling that we’re always bracing for something.

The problem is that many of us are too busy to hear the whispers.

We’re too busy being needed.

Too busy being dependable.

Too busy being strong.

Too busy making sure everybody else is okay.

But our bodies are not machines.

We can’t keep pouring out without ever paying attention to what’s happening inside of us.

And as women, many of us carry things that never make it onto a to do list.

The worry.

The planning.

The emotional labor.

The remembering.

The caretaking.

The guilt.

The pressure to be available.

The fear of disappointing people.

The quiet resentment we don’t always know what to do with.

The sadness we keep pushing down because life still has to be handled.

All of that lives somewhere.

And sometimes it shows up in the body.

That doesn’t mean stress causes every panic attack.

Life is more complicated than that.

Panic attacks can be connected to many things, including anxiety, lack of sleep, trauma, major life changes, hormones, certain medical issues, caffeine, medications, or a mix of several things.

But I do believe we have to stop acting like our bodies are dramatic when they respond to what we’ve been carrying.

Our bodies are not being difficult.

They’re communicating.

One thing that helped me understand panic attacks better is knowing that they eventually pass.

When you’re in the middle of one, it can feel endless.

It isn’t.

That doesn’t make it comfortable.

That doesn’t make it easy.

But it does help to know that the wave will rise, peak, and begin to come down.

When I started reading more about panic attacks, I learned there are a few things that may help when one is happening:

Remind yourself that you may be having a panic attack and that it will pass.

Focus on slow, gentle breathing.

Try breathing in through your nose and slowly out through your mouth.

Look around the room and name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

• Sit down somewhere safe if you can.

• Loosen tight clothing if it feels like it’s making you more uncomfortable.

• Place your feet on the floor and remind yourself where you are.

• Try not to fight the panic with more panic - I know that’s easier said than done but forcing it away can sometimes make it feel stronger.

• Remind yourself that the feelings are uncomfortable, but they’re temporary.

• Call or text someone you trust if you need support.

I like the grounding technique because it brings you back into the present moment.

When panic hits, your mind can start running ahead, imagining the worst.

Grounding gives your brain something steady to focus on right now.

What can I see?

What can I touch?

What can I hear?

It sounds small, but in that moment, small can help.

It’s also important to know when to reach out for more support.

Please talk with a healthcare provider or mental health professional if:

• You’ve never had symptoms like this before

• You’re having chest pain, trouble breathing, fainting, or symptoms that scare you

• Panic attacks are happening more than once

• You’re avoiding places or situations because you’re afraid it might happen again

• Your sleep, work, relationships, or daily life are being affected

• You feel trapped, overwhelmed, or afraid of your own body

• You don’t have to figure all of this out by yourself.

For me, the biggest lesson wasn’t only that I had experienced panic attacks.

The bigger lesson was realizing how disconnected I had become from myself.

I had gotten so used to pushing through stress that I stopped paying attention to what my body and mind were trying to tell me.

And I think many women understand that.

We say we’re fine because it feels easier than explaining everything.

We keep going because stopping feels impossible.

We handle one more thing, then another, then another.

We call it strength.

Sometimes it is.

But sometimes it’s survival.

And survival was never meant to be our permanent home.

I think about those two panic attacks every now and then.

Not because I want to relive them.

Trust me, I don’t.

I think about them because they remind me to pay attention to my body sooner.

To slow down before my body has to force me.

To stop acting like rest is something I have to earn.

To pay attention when my peace starts slipping.

To notice when my body is asking for care.

Now I understand that breathing matters.

Rest matters.

Movement matters.

Sleep matters.

Support matters.

Checking in with ourselves matters.

And no, taking care of ourselves won’t make life perfect.

It won’t erase every stressful season.

It won’t stop every hard thing from happening.

But it can help us stop abandoning ourselves while we’re trying to survive everything else.

If you’ve ever had a panic attack, or if your body has ever scared you into paying attention, I want you to know this.

You’re not weak.

You’re not crazy.

You’re not broken.

You may be tired.

You may be overwhelmed.

You may be carrying more than you realized.

And maybe your body is asking you to stop ignoring what hurts.

Sometimes our bodies ask quietly.

Sometimes they ask loudly.

Either way, they deserve to be heard.

Because we can’t keep treating ourselves like an afterthought and expect our bodies to stay silent forever.

#EvolvingWomanhood