The Truth About Family Vacations That Moms Rarely Talk About

When my children were younger, and I was as stay-at-home mom.

I used to look forward to family vacations for months.

The countdown would start.

The planning would begin.

I'd imagine the memories we'd make, the photos we'd take, and the break from everyday life that I desperately needed.

Vacation sounded like rest.

Vacation sounded like fun.

Vacation sounded like exactly what I needed.

Then we'd get there.

And within a day, I'd find myself wondering why I felt more exhausted than I did at home.

At the time, I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I just knew that by the end of the trip, everyone else seemed refreshed.

The kids were happy.

My husband had enjoyed himself.

Everyone had stories to tell.

And I was tired.

Really tired.

For years, I thought something was wrong with me.

I wondered why I couldn't seem to relax like everyone else.

Why I wasn't having the same experience they were.

Why family vacations felt like work.

Now, looking back, I understand something I couldn't see then.

For many moms, family vacation isn't actually a vacation.

It's motherhood in a different location.

That's reality.

Before we even leave most of us have already started carrying the trip.

We're making lists.

Thinking through details.

Trying to remember everything everyone might need.

Packing for weather we haven't experienced yet.

Planning for problems that haven't happened.

Making sure everyone is prepared, comfortable, fed, entertained, and safe.

A lot of that work is invisible.

Nobody really sees it because it's happening inside our heads.

But it's work all the same.

Then we arrive at our destination, and the responsibilities don't magically disappear.

Your children still need things.

Someone still has to know where the sunscreen is.

Someone still has to remember medications.

Someone still has to solve problems when plans change.

Someone still has to get all children dressed for the day.

Someone still has to answer a hundred questions before breakfast.

And somehow that someone often ends up being mom.

I remember taking trips with all four of my children and feeling like I was constantly moving.

Making sure everyone had what they needed.

Making sure nobody was bored.

Making sure everyone was happy.

Making sure everyone was accounted for.

Making sure the day stayed on track.

By the time evening came, I felt like I had worked an entire shift.

Because in many ways, I did.

Meanwhile, everyone else seemed to be enjoying vacations.

And I was managing it.

The funny thing is that most moms don't talk about this openly.

We come home and tell people we had a wonderful trip.

And maybe we did.

The kids made memories.

We laughed.

We took pictures.

We experienced new places together.

Those things were real.

But so was the exhaustion.

Both can be true.

You can love your family.

You can be grateful for the trip.

You can cherish the memories.

And still feel completely worn out by the experience.

One doesn't cancel out the other.

I think that's something many women need to admit.

Because pretending vacations are relaxing when they aren't doesn't help anyone.

The older I get, the more I realize the vacation itself was never really the problem.

The deeper issue was something I carried long before we packed the car.

Somewhere along the way, I accepted responsibility for everyone else's experience.

I had been working behind the scenes to make the vacation happen.

That realization made me aware.

Because awareness gives us choices.

It allows us to ask questions we may never have asked before.

What would happen if I didn't fix every inconvenience?

What would happen if someone else figured something out?

What would happen if I stopped believing every problem belonged to me?

What would happen if I allowed myself to be one of the people on the trip instead of the person responsible for the trip?

Those questions didn't change everything overnight.

But they changed something inside me.

If I could go back and tell my younger self anything, I would tell her this.

You’re allowed to need help before you’re completely drained.

You’re allowed to hand someone else a responsibility and not hover over how they do it.

You’re allowed to let people be mildly uncomfortable without rushing to fix it.

You’re allowed to say, “I want to enjoy this too.”

You’re allowed to be in the family, not just in charge of the family.

That would have been hard for me to believe back then because I was so used to carrying what needed to be carried.

And if I’m honest, part of me probably thought if I didn’t do it, it wouldn’t get done right.

But here is the truth I had to grow into.

Sometimes we teach people to depend on us by never letting them figure things out.

Sometimes we call it love when it is also control, fear, habit, guilt, or survival.

Sometimes we’re not holding everything because nobody else can.

Sometimes we’re holding everything because we never learned how to put some of it down.

That truth is uncomfortable, but it can also be freeing.

Because once we see it, we can start changing it.

Maybe that means asking older kids to pack their own bag from a list.

Maybe it means telling your partner, “You’re in charge of breakfast and snacks on this trip.”

Maybe it means letting someone else handle the activity plan for one day.

Maybe it means building in one quiet hour for yourself without apologizing for it.

Maybe it means saying ahead of time, “I want this trip to feel like a vacation for me too.”

Not in a bitter way.

Not in a dramatic way.

In an honest way.

This helped reminded me that my experience matters too.

Not more than everyone else's.

Not instead of everyone else's.

But too.

That's the word I wish more women would remember.

Too.

We matter too.

We deserve memories too.

We deserve rest too.

We deserve to enjoy the moments we're working so hard to create.

Family vacations can be beautiful.

They can be messy.

They can be exhausting.

Sometimes all at once.

But I think the goal isn't to become the perfect mom on vacation.

The goal is to remember that we're not just the organizers of our lives.

We're living them too.

And maybe that's the reminder some of us need.

Not that we're failing.

Not that we're ungrateful.

Not that we're doing it wrong.

Just that we've spent so many years taking care of everyone else that we've forgotten we're supposed to be part of the experience too.

And that truth deserves a place in the suitcase every time we leave home.

#EvolvingWomanhood