Why Every Woman Needs to Be Careful Who She Takes Advice From

One of my favorite quotes says, “Don’t take directions from someone who’s never been to where you’re going.”

The older I get, the more I understand how true that is.

When I was younger, I thought getting advice from people meant I was being wise.

I thought asking other people what they thought would help me make better choices, avoid mistakes, and feel more confident about the direction I was going in.

And sometimes it did.

But other times, it left me more confused than I was before I asked.

I had to learn that not every opinion deserves a place in my heart.

Not every voice deserves a seat at my table.

Not everyone who loves me is qualified to guide me.

That was hard for me to accept because as women, many of us are taught to consider everybody else’s feelings before we trust our own.

We ask for advice because we want support.

We want reassurance.

We want somebody to say, “You’re not crazy for feeling this way.”

 We want to feel less alone.

But the truth is, everybody can’t give you advice for where you’re going.

Some people can only speak from where they stopped.

That doesn’t make them bad people.

It doesn’t mean they don’t care.

It doesn’t mean they’re trying to hurt you.

It means their advice may be coming from their own fear, their own limits, their own pain, or their own unfinished healing.

And if we aren’t careful, we can start building our future based on someone else’s fear.

I’ve had to look back and ask myself, “Why did I give that much power to someone who had never walked the road I was trying to walk?”

Sometimes we ask people for relationship advice when they’ve spent years accepting treatment they don’t deserve.

Sometimes we ask people about healing when they haven’t faced their own pain.

Sometimes we ask people about confidence when they still talk themselves out of everything.

Sometimes we ask people about growth when they’re more comfortable staying the same.

And then we wonder why their advice makes us feel small.

I’ve learned that advice carries the spirit of where it comes from.

If it comes from fear, it will make you afraid.

If it comes from bitterness, it will make you guarded.

If it comes from control, it will make you second guess yourself.

If it comes from wisdom, it may challenge you, but it won’t make you feel powerless.

That’s the difference I pay attention to now.

Wisdom doesn’t always tell me what I want to hear.

Sometimes wisdom makes me pause.

Sometimes it makes me reflect.

Sometimes it makes me admit where I need to grow.

But wisdom doesn’t crush me.

Wisdom doesn’t mock my dreams.

Wisdom doesn’t make me feel foolish for wanting better.

Wisdom helps me see clearly.

Fear sounds different.

Fear says, “That will never work.”

Fear says, “You’re asking for too much.”

Fear says, “You should just be happy with what you have.”

Fear says, “People like us don’t do things like that.”

Fear says, “Who do you think you are?”

And as women, we have to be careful because sometimes fear comes dressed up as concern.

People may say they’re just trying to protect us.

They may say they’re only being honest.

They may say they don’t want us to get hurt.

But sometimes what they’re really doing is handing us their limits and expecting us to carry them.

I can care about someone and still realize their advice isn’t for this season of my life.

That has been one of the most freeing lessons for me.

I don’t have to be disrespectful.

I don’t have to argue.

I don’t have to prove why I see things differently.

I can listen, take what is helpful, and leave the rest.

Because every voice doesn’t need access to my decisions.

The more I grow, the more I understand that different seasons require different guidance.

The advice that helped me survive one season may not be the advice that helps me grow in the next one.

There are things I used to accept because I didn’t know better.

There are voices I used to trust because I hadn’t found my own yet.

There are opinions I used to carry because I thought being open-minded meant letting everyone speak into my life.

Now I know better.

Being open-minded doesn’t mean being easily led.

It means I can listen with wisdom and still choose what lines up with my peace, my values, my growth, and the woman I’m becoming.

I also think we have to be honest about social media.

Everybody has advice now.

Everybody has a quote.

Everybody has a video.

Everybody has a strong opinion about love, marriage, motherhood, money, healing, confidence, boundaries, purpose, and womanhood.

But a good caption doesn’t always mean wise guidance.

A confident voice doesn’t always mean a healed person.

Popularity doesn’t always mean wisdom.

You need to think about:

How does this person make me feel after I listen to them?

Do they encourage growth, or do they keep me angry?

Do they help me think clearly, or do they keep me in confusion?

Do they speak with honesty and humility, or do they act like they have all the answers?

Do they live with peace, or do they seem addicted to drama?

Those things matter.

Because what we keep listening to eventually shapes how we see ourselves.

If we keep listening to people who are bitter, we may start seeing every situation through bitterness.

If we keep listening to people who are afraid, we may start shrinking our dreams before we even try.

If we keep listening to people who don’t believe women can change, heal, rebuild, or begin again, we may start believing that too.

And that’s too expensive.

Our peace is too valuable for that.

Our growth is too important for that.

Our future deserves better than that.

One thing I’ve had to learned for myself is that sometimes the answer isn’t asking more people.

Sometimes the answer is getting quiet enough to hear myself again.

There were seasons when I wanted everybody’s opinion because I didn’t trust my own.

I wanted someone else to tell me what to do because making a decision felt scary.

I wanted confirmation from outside voices because deep down, I was disconnected from my own voice.

Healing has helped me come back to myself.

It has helped me slow down.

Pray.

Think.

Listen.

Pay attention to what brings peace and what creates confusion.

It has helped me stop treating everybody else’s opinion like it matters more than the quiet knowing inside of me.

And I think that is something many of us as women have to come back to.

We can receive wise advice and still trust ourselves.

We can respect people and still disagree with them.

We can love people and still admit they aren’t the right voice for this season.

We can be humble without handing our decisions over to people who don’t understand where God is taking us.

Because every woman who is growing has to protect the voices around her.

The people we listen to matter.

The conversations we entertain matter.

The advice we keep replaying in our minds matters.

The environments we stay in matter.

We can’t keep asking people who are committed to staying stuck how to move forward.

We can’t keep asking people who are afraid of change how to become new.

We can’t keep asking people who never chose healing how to walk in wholeness.

And we can’t keep shrinking ourselves just because someone else can’t see what we see yet.

I believe good advice is a gift.

The right person can help you see what you missed.

The right person can encourage you when you feel afraid.

The right person can tell you the truth without making you feel worthless.

The right person can help you grow without trying to control you.

But the wrong voice can delay you.

It can confuse you.

It can make you doubt what you already knew.

It can make you question your worth, your dreams, your healing, and your direction.

That is why we have to be careful.

Not closed off.

Not prideful.

Not unwilling to listen.

Just careful.

Because your life is too important to be led by every opinion.

Your dreams are too important to be shaped by fear.

Your healing is too important to be guided by unhealed voices.

Your peace is too important to keep handing it to people who don’t know how to hold it.

So yes, ask for advice.

But ask wisely.

Look for people who have walked through something and grown from it.

Look for people who speak truth with love.

Look for people who have peace, not just opinions.

Look for people who can challenge you without crushing you.

And most of all, learn to trust the woman you are becoming.

She has wisdom too.

She has lived through things too.

She has survived things too.

She knows more than you sometimes give her credit for.

Protect your growth enough to stop taking directions from people who have no idea where you’re going.

#EvolvingWomanhood